Here is a collection I have gathered over the years with their true meaning so us normal speaking people can understand them. Also I have kindly included a 'Response Guide' should you here any of the below phrases whilst at work and probably from a middle manager.
So...On hearing one of these phrases it is advisable to politely and with a smile make them aware of it by uttering the appropriate line from the response guide.
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Corporate Phrase
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The Context
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The REAL Meaning
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You’re Response Guide if Heard
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Face time
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“I think we need some face time with the client” |
“If we don’t go and kiss their arses then we’re not going to get this deal”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Blue-ocean opportunity
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“Guys...I really think this is a genuine blue-ocean opportunity” |
“I have had an idea and I want you to say yes because it’ll look good for my promotion chances”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Outside the box
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“I’m just trying to think outside of the box” |
“I haven’t got a bloody clue what you’re on about and buying some time for someone else to suggest something”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Future-proof
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“Our product is certainly future-proof” |
“I know full well that in 10 yrs time this won’t even exist!”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Blue-sky thinking
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“I think me and my team need to go away and do some blue sky thinking” |
“I haven’t got an answer for you right now!”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Front burner
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“Ok, that’s fine. I’ll make sure this goes on the front burner” |
“Ah CRAP... I knew I forgot something!”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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COB [Close of business]
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“I’ll have a resolve for you by the close of business” |
“Shit, I forgot I promised to give you an answer yesterday!”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Behind the eight ball
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“We’re a little bit behind the eight ball” |
“I’ve cocked it up and now can’t find a way around it”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Buy-in
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“I really thought they showed some buy-in” |
“They liked it”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Above-board
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“Are we sure everything is above board?” |
“Is this legal because I don’t want this to affect my promotion chances to a grade 3?”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Availability
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“Yah I’ll have to check my availability” |
“I know full well I have nowt on but I have to make out I’m busy and popular to impress you!”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Actionable
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“Is this actionable?” |
“I haven’t got the skills to do this on my own”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Dialogue
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“We need to keep in constant dialogue” |
“Can you call the customer”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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On point
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“You’re presentation was on point” |
“Your hard work will make me look good in front of the boss”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Bring to the table
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“Let’s just see what they bring to the table” |
“I wonder what ideas they came up with?”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Covered-off
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“We’re hoping to have everything covered off” |
“Is my arse covered”
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Gain traction
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“We’re hoping to gain traction in the overseas market” |
“We’re hoping the foreigners like it”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Ear candy
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“They were definitely giving us some ear candy” |
“The hated it but I can't tell you that boss”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Disconnect
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“I’m afraid I’m going to have to disconnect myself from this meeting” |
“I need a poo and have to leave”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Core competencies
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“...this is one of our core competencies” |
“Other than this we're actually pretty crap”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Diarize
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“Ok, I’ll make sure to diarize that for you” |
“I’ll set an alarm on my phone!”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Critical mass
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“We can’t do anymore...we’ve reach critical mass” |
“There aren’t enough people to do the work”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Heads up
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“I’m gonna give you a bit of a heads up about today’s meeting” |
“I’m gonna give you some information I’d like you to agree to in front of the boss”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Change agent
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“I see myself as a bit of a change agent” |
“I haven't a clue what I do except tell others what to do knowing I'd never actually do it myself”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Brain dump
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“Guys... we need to do a bit of a brain dump” |
“Give me all your ideas and I’ll claim them as my own”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Dial-in
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“We’re trying to dial-in to the customers current thinking” |
“We’re sniffing around the customer’s backside searching for clues as to whether we have any chance of the order or not”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Going forward
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“Going forward I’d like to see this happen” |
“Shite..We really did mess this one up”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Offline
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“I’m going to be taking myself ‘offline’ for a couple of weeks” |
“I’m off to Ibiza to get 'off my face' for 2 weeks so don’t call me!”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Green field
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“This is truly a green field project” |
“We haven’t done this before... where do we start?”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Real-time
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“I’d like to see the changes in real-time” |
“Whilst you’re working your nuts off I’m gonna be over here watching as the disaster takes shape”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Leverage
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“I’d like to see ourselves give a little leverage with this client” |
“Discount the arse out of it cause I built in loads of commission/margin and I don’t want to lose it”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Sausage and the sizzle
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“We have the sausage but to sell it we now need the sizzle” |
“We’ve bought £67,000 of this crap and if we can’t start selling it we’re in the shit!”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Wow factor
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“I like it but it doesn’t have the WOW factor” |
“What this piece of shit”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Customer-facing
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“I don’t really see you as customer facing” |
“Have you looked in the mirror!”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Mission critical
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“I see this as being mission critical” |
“My arse is on the line if we don’t get this”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Peel the onion
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“I think what we should do is peel the onion” |
“What’s the reason they’re saying no?”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Move things forward
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“Would you like me to move things forward?” |
“Shall I start it?”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Strategic planning
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“I think we ought to do some strategic planning” |
“I haven’t a clue what’s going on”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Touch base
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“Just thought I’d touch base with you” |
“The boss is chasing me for a decision and thought if I kiss your backside you might tell me your answer”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Wiggle room
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“Let’s give ourselves a little wiggle room” |
“Add £3000 to the price and we can discount it later”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Value proposition
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“We need to build a good value proposition” |
“Come on guys make it look like it’s worth the money!”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Your take
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“What’s your take on it?” |
“Give me your ideas”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Good-to-go
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“We’re good to go” |
“They said yes”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Red flag
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“We need to red flag this project” |
“The boss has said this is a shit idea and said he’s not going to waste his companies money on such crap”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Tee up
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“I’ll tee that up” |
“I’ll ask Wayne if he can make it”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Glass ceiling
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“We reached a bit of a glass ceiling” |
“I’m all out of ideas”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Helicopter view
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“I think I’d like to get a helicopter view of the project” |
“Can I stand back and get someone to explain that again to me please”
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You’re a Idiot! |
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Imagineer
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“I consider myself as an imagineer” |
“I can’t actually do anything but day dream”
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You’re a Idiot! |